After over 20 years experience in emotional release work, both with my own awakening process, and 17 of those years professionally facilitating other peoples emotional release process through ‘Cathartic style Breathwork’, the importance of ‘emotional integration’ is still the main message I have for people who wish to be free of Depression, Anxiety, Relationship issues such as lack of boundaries, recurring patterns of conflict and sexual issues or simply wish for more inner peace.
When I speak of ‘emotional integration’ I am not talking about self help books, listening to seminars, CD’s, mental level talking style therapy etc etc.
I am not even talking about finding more insights and realizations into human nature and conceptualization of issues such as ‘’since mum was not the hugging type and did not tell me she loved me enough and since dad was both physically and emotionally absent I decided I was not good enough’’.
My favourite saying is ‘’An insight/realization and $5 gets you a cup of coffee and a muffin’’. Insights/realizations/ conceptualization of issues is a necessary component of our journey, they are the foundation stage of the journey, but they are not the journey itself.
Many people wonder why listening to seminar style information sessions or ‘talking style’ therapy can go on for years and yet they still suffer from numerous life issues. There is a simple explanation why… I do not even put this first ‘insight,reading, mental level conceptualization stage’ as a stage in genuine healing.
Genuine healing begins when we start to feel the emotional pain behind having a physically and emotionally absent father, or a mum who could not fulfil our love and emotional needs. The emotional pain of frustration and anger we felt that we could not communicate on an emotional level with them and ask our needs to be met by them. Or it could have the anger we could not express around not having our own space and being suffocated/smothered by attention due to a fearful/overprotective/ co-dependant mother or father. The sadness and despair of wanting them to hold us more, tell us how special we were to them, wanting to experience being fully seen hence acknowledged as an individual. The loneliness and isolation of living in a house full of people yet, due to no one really connecting with themselves and their true heart feeling like we were all disconnected and alone under the same roof surrounded by others. The fear of thinking their was something wrong with us because we simply had these strong feelings and experienced a lot of drama simply being a child with feelings, yet we energetically picked up that there was no room for these emotions and no-one else is really feeling them so it must be us with the problem …
The list goes on. Our emotional experience is a very significant and powerful on when we were young. These emotions were stuffed deep down inside of us. The above reasons I gave for just a few of the emotions in us may not seem like much to the adult mind. They are massive influences in our adult state of emotional health though.
We call these scenarios ‘Subtle trauma’, not ‘Gross trauma’ like sexual abuse or physical violence. Subtle trauma is what we ALL suffer from and is behind all the depressions/anxieties and relationship issues and breakdowns in the world.
It is ONLY by ‘FEELING’ these emotions that we ‘HEAL’ these emotions. FULL STOP.
We need to scream the anger out, punch it into a pillow, stomp it into the ground and have the tantrum we were not allowed to as a child. We need to cry and cry and cry let the grief out of our systems over and over, head down in despair, fetal position, snotty and streaming tears. We need to let ourselves get hysterical and process the shame around our anger and sadness, and the guilt we have for even having these feelings after ‘poor suffering mum and dad did and sacrificed soooo much’. Then enough fear around being ourselves will be processed and we will more freed up expressing what is real, who we really are, as a natural by product.
EASY REALLY. Get into enough anger and sadness and the 3 other primary emotions of fear, shame and guilt are released spontaneously.
When was the last time a ‘Self Help’ book took you there? Or a cd or seminar provided you with such a deep opening into your stored emotional pain and allow such emotional integration to occur? Chances are, due to the brilliant suppressing job your unconscious did in the 1st place, you have only been let into the surface level of these emotions and experienced the joys of surface release. For if the depression/anxiety, relationship and self worth issues are still there, it means emotional integration of your issues has not actually occurred yet. This means your understanding of your issues, your awareness of them is just that , an awareness, and you are still at the mercy 24/7 of the unresolved emotional pain behind those issues.
If I have not got my message across about the importance of emotional integration to deal with issues, look at the simple process of the ‘being in the now’ and meditation issue. Even this has undealt with emotional pain as a foundation.
We should have a choice as to when we think and have an active mind and when we ‘switch’ it off to meditate or simply ‘be’. Why cannot we do this? 99% of people use their thinking to escape having to feel. You are either in active, male mode of thinking or passive, female mode of feeling. The more emotional pain you felt as a child the more you escaped into your head as a refuge, either into fantasy land or thinking/obsessing about hobbies land. The more pain, the more into your head you went. We do need to develop our mind and intellect, don’t get me wrong, but for most of us it is ‘thinkaholism’ just like ‘do-aholism and workaholism’ or any other ‘ism’ we use to avoid our pain. Things we use to stay in the active mode so as we do not have to go into passive feeling mode. This is why it is so hard to switch of. The more pain, the more active the mind…meditation anyone? ‘’ hell, no…I am lucky if it quietens enough so that I can sleep some nights’’ .
The solution, feel the emotional pain you are running from and the mind does not have a reason to be so active. You can then finally drop into your heart and body and be more present in the now effortlessly. Even peace of mind/ meditation results from emotional pain integration.
The Solution? Cathartic Style Breathwork. Genuine emotional integration.
Jaan Jerabek is the Director of ‘The Anxiety & Depression solution’. He has been in private practice for 17 years and training facilitators of Breathwork Therapy for the last 10 years. His websites are www.jaanjerabek.com and www.thedepressionsolution.com or he can be reached on 1300 500 881