Whether we are trying to heal our current relationship and bring back more peace , love and intimacy that we experienced in its initial ‘honeymoon’ phase or deal with the blockages that hinder us from attracting a relationship in the 1st place. Whether we are trying to heal our sense of personal power and learn to communicate more powerfully & openly to people in our lives or simply find the strength to define and communicate our boundaries and learn to say ‘’no’’ because we are a people pleaser forever saying ‘yes’. Whether we are trying to get clear on our life purpose and reclaim our destiny in order to make a living from a passion or simply become more effective at or prosperous from, our current vocation. Whether we are trying to find more inner fulfilment and joy and heal the relationship with ourselves or are trying to become ‘enlightened’. Even if we are trying to heal our physical health and find the ‘cure’ to something that is ‘in-curable’….We are actually embarking on healing our damaged sense of ‘Self Worth’.
Your ‘Self Worth’ wounding is behind every issue you face.
Not many people graduated childhood with an intact sense of sense worth. This is why we are all suffering from similar issues.
Our self worth wounding is the end result of the accumulation of all the ‘little’ heart wounding’s we experienced along the way. Every time we had an experience of our heart being broken, and mis-interpreted that we were not being loved for who we really are, or experienced simply love not there for us, we added to our self worth wounding.
In a nutshell, from an emotional viewpoint, one main cause of ‘self worth’ wounding is actually the build up of the experience of sadness, the pain around our experience of love-lessness or ‘perceived loss of love’. For ALL ‘Loss of Love’ is a perception. We cannot actually lose love. We come from love, live in love… we actually are love itself embodied, so it is impossible to lose it. It is possible though, as children to ‘mis-interpret’ events and decide that we have ‘lost’ the love of our mum or dad or both. This ‘mis-interpretation’ to a child is very real. Do not forget, that ALL up to date literature on the psyche points to EVERYTHING being a perception , and this perception is what we confuse for reality… both as adults, and most definitely and even more powerfully as children. We mistake what we feel and think for what ‘IS’.
99% of my clients I have seen in close to 20 years in private practice, I have seen for this ‘mis-interpretation’. This mis-interpretation of not being loved is what ruins lives and results in people ‘sabotaging’ their lives. It is a ‘false’ perception of reality, but a ‘reality destroying’ perception. You see every time we mis-interpreted or experienced that love was not there for us, we found the pain so unbearable, that the only way for us to ‘survive’ and cope with the experience was to ‘make up a story/ justify’ in our minds, why the love was lost and it is this story that runs us as adults. I will explain with a personal example. When I was 19 years old and my first love ‘dumped’ me, I experienced some major emotional pain. Anger first, than sadness, than anger, than fear and around and around. Using Breathwork I was able to go back to the incident that was triggered. When I was 4 years of age and a moment in time when I woke up in the middle of the night and mum was not there for me when I needed her.
In the session I got to uncover the following story that my unconscious held onto ever since that moment of needing mum, that moment I had a feeling an intense neediness and almost desperate desire for nurturing only mum can give, but mum not being there to give it to me. My mum literally was not there (later discovered at that point in my childhood she was getting up 4 a.m. to go to work – to love her family)…My conscious mind thought ‘’mum’s left, she is not here’’, my unconscious mind had the belief ‘’women are not there for me/ women leave me’’ lodged deep into it. My conscious mind thought ‘’something has happened!’’, my unconscious mind had the thought ’’I have done something wrong’’, my conscious mind thought ‘’ I wish she was here’’, my unconscious mind had the thoughts ‘’she does not love me, I am all alone’’ lodged into it.
That was it. The course of my relationships with women for the next 15 years was to a large degree set and shaped by that innocent moment in time. Mum was actually at work already loving us, but my mind was deciding ‘’ Women leave me, women are not there for me, I have done something wrong to lose their love, I will be alone’’… powerful self defeating beliefs aren’t they? These beliefs and the sadness & fear that went with them are what constructed my ‘negative self perception, hence self worth’. I stopped believing I was worthy of love from that point in time. The ‘worth’ I perceived my ‘Self’ had to make it love ‘worthy’ was not very ‘high’. Low Self worth.
These beliefs made me set up ‘sabotaging’ relationships so as women would leave me, manifesting ‘disapproval’ that I have done something wrong, isolating myself and avoiding intimacy etc for the next 15 years nearly. My relationships with women were totally at the mercy of these beliefs for a long time… at least until I re-experienced enough sadness, anger, fear and guilt that was keeping these beliefs alive inside of me and running my life. This I could only accomplish with ‘Cathartic Breathwork’ over the years. ‘’15YEARS!!!’’ you might exclaim… how can it run you for 15 years after you became aware of it? Easy. Mental level realizations do not do too much. My favourite saying is ‘’$5 and an insight gets you a muffin and coffee’’. Insights are merely a stepping stone to real healing. It is the re-experiencing of the deeply buried emotional pain that eventually sets you free. I now have a lovely wife who I adore and who adores me, and I do not sabotage the relationship or feel guilt that ‘’I have done something wrong’’. It is my second marriage though, the 1st marriage was still driven by the 4 year old. Also, please keep in mind, 15 years is ‘my journey, my destiny’ so as I could learn the in’s and out’s of this to become a relationship expert. I was not emotionally mature enough to go there earlier also. Think about it…the unconscious and in-denial 20’s. For you it may be only years or months if you’re lucky… who knows, you might even get it fully out by the end of my 7 day residential in December.
This is the internal work of healing ‘Self worth’. There is always the ‘External Work’ that makes it happen much more quickly, which no one introduced me to in my younger years. Come and join us for a week of both the internal & external work mix to take your self worth to a whole different level very quickly.
Jaan Jerabek has been facilitating personal & spiritual development programmes since age 20. He has been in private practice since using Cathartic Style Breathwork and ‘Core Belief’ processing techniques. He runs the largest Breathwork Therapy and Training Organization in the Southern Hemisphere. 1300 500 881 or www.teinmternational.com.au or www.thedepressionsolution.com